Category Archives: Eat Me

Two upcoming releases

So much for writing and blogging every day, huh? However, I have been writing more. There’s one chapter in Eat Me I was having trouble with – not with the development of the actual storyline, but…the problem was with me, loosening up my creaking writing muscles. It could have been any scene or chapter, really. I just had to force myself through it so I could have that sense of completion at  the end of a chapter. That feeling of “I’ve finished something,” definitely helps me push on to wrap up more scenes and chapters until eventually I reach The End.

One thing that helped was reading a few short stories written by a friend and emailing her my thoughts on them. I guess reading someone else’s smut unclogged my brain and let the filth flow free. I’ve often talked about the first thousand words of the day being the hardest, like pulling teeth, but yesterday I spunked out over a thousand words without even trying and that was a fantastic feeling.

Anyhoo, according to my spreadsheet, I have just over 11k words to go on Eat Me but I’m nearly at the end of Chapter 5 so once my total is divided into six chapters it’ll bring the average and projected totals down and I really should do a blog post about how I keep track of shit in my spreadsheet so you guys know what I’m talking about but anyway, I reckon I’ll have closer to 8k words to write until the book’s done. That’s two days’ work if I push it, three if I go a little easier on myself but we all know how good I am at sticking to a schedule after I blog about it.

In other news, I have the rights back to Stay the Night, a M/M romance that was first published six years ago in October, 2011. I’m working on editing it for re-release and it’s been surprising to me how dated the tech in this novel is. Slide-shut mobile phones instead of smartphones, modems and separate re-routers instead of SuperHubs, that kind of thing. The hero, Kit, talks about watching DVDs instead of streaming his favourite TV shows. So I’m trying to catch all of those little snippets and modernise them. It’s a relief to not be hampered by the house style of any given publisher, too. Sometimes they insist on spelling a word a particular way, or using a certain style of punctuation and even if it doesn’t sit well with the author, it’s house style, damn it, so just do as you’re told.

Yes, I am referring to being able to type pre-come instead of precum. *shudder*

It may even be that StN and EM get released at the same time, giving readers the choice of a rejigged M/M or an all-new M/F romance. Not so sure it’s doing my head much good jumping between editing that book and drafting that one. Received wisdom is that you should wear only one hat at a time.

If you want to get first peek at cover art for both of the above books, and a heads-up when the buy links become available, sign up for my newsletter here.


More Twitter shenanigans avec @MetalOllie and @Jenny_Trout

Looks like I’m back on Twitter. Ha – my boycott didn’t last long, did it? I mean, I’m still using it less, but I’d hoped to cold turkey it and get this book finished by now.

Speaking of Eat Me, it’s chugging along nicely. Not quite up to my blasting-through-a-thousand-words-in-half-an-hour speed of yesteryear, but, you know…every page is progress. My spreadsheet estimates its final word count will be around the 25k words mark.

So. Twitter. I got an email from @MetalOllie this afternoon, he of ‘Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon’ fame, telling me that he too had suffered under the mighty thud of Mjoltweet, the Great Banhammer, for a period of twelve hours. Attached to his emails were two screenshots:



Apparently some festering twatscab can send @Jenny_Trout endless tweets threatening to shoot her, but God forbid @MetalOllie call a pal a daft twat in jest; we can’t have that!

So this is what we’ve come to. A secret underground network of Twitterers swapping email addresses and sending screenshots over WhatsApp, exchanging tales of what it was like in the Great Bannination of 2017. I’m not expecting the Twitter management to do anything about it, to be honest. They’re more than happy to harbour Nazis on their site and have men make rape threats to women who dare to express an opinion about books of films or their write to birth control.

But who knows? It might make someone feel better to know it’s not just them. Twitter is treating everyone unfairly. So yay, liberte, egalite, fraternitweet, or something?

I’m going to push myself over the next thousand-word mark in this book and go to bed. I had planned to go into town tomorrow to get some fresh air, do some shopping, but to be honest, I need to stick with the manuscript and treat it with a bit more respect or it’ll never get finished. Besides which, I’ve decided to reward myself with a renewal of my Netflix subscription when the book’s done, and Mindhunter starts next Friday…

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Posted by on 07/10/2017 in Eat Me, Twitter


Wordy McWordface

Oh, man. This isn’t looking good. The word count for Eat Me, I mean. Well, it is and it isn’t. As per usual, Yours Truly has decided “This will be X number of words long,” and the universe has come along, whipped out its wang and pissed all over my mad, crazy idea of brevity and getting the book done on whatever date I choose. Because of course the universe is an incontinent dudebro with no social skills. Don’t @ me.

I just (yes, at one in the morning) checked my supersekrit files for current and projected word counts and uh-maaaaazingly, contrary to my guesstimate, EM isn’t going to be 20k words long at all. Excel reckons 5 more than that. Yay, I can charge more when I publish it but boo, it’ll take a wee bit longer than expected.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I consistently underestimate my own word counts? It’s only happened with every single book I’ve ever written. Well, except for those written to contract and even then I had to shave off a few pages here and there to fit the publisher’s requirements.

Allowing for Book #2 in the sequence being the same recalcitrant length (*burp*, ooh sorry; that thesaurus I swallowed didn’t go down easy), I could even get that finished in October, too. BUT LET’S NOT TRY TO RUN BEFORE WE CAN WALK.

Also, the more observant (obsessive) amongst you may have noticed I have reactivated my Twitter account. This isn’t because Jack and Biz et al have stopped being dogbeasting chucklefucks, but so I can avoid URL squatters. I still plan to stay away from the place while I simmer about their Nazi-gobbling tendencies…except for that recent tweet about Boris Johnson being as foul as the crusted-over cockcheese under the infected and suppurating flap of Satan’s foreskin.

God, I fucking love words.

Including “tea”, “tired”, “Kindle” and “fuckity night”.

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Posted by on 04/10/2017 in Eat Me, Twitter, word count


I’m not dead

Grargh, so, I’ve lost two or three days to illness and Eat Me was supposed to be done by now but guess what, it ain’t, so…yeah. That fudged up my whole writing schedule and delayed the release by about a million years.

At a very, very loose guesstimate, its first draft should be done around Monday-ish. I’d planned to be balls deep in my next book by then but oh well, time, tide and migraines wait for no man. Or woman. Or pervert.

So that’s where my writing is right now. With regard to Twitter, I’m back on it, but with still no reply from a human being. I’m going to try again with another Twitter-related email address someone has given me, and see if that kicks them up the arse. Their reasoning may be “You’re back on the site now; what’s the problem?” but I’d like an apology and an acknowledgement that my suspension should never have happened.

I won’t hold my breath though. Seems like the place is run by goatfelching ratbastards.

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Posted by on 21/07/2017 in Eat Me, Twitter


A head full of fuzzies

It’s nearly three a.m. as I type this, and I’m blogging for no other reason than I’m killing time while copying files from an external hard drive to Google Drive.

Today was a bit of a bust writing-wise. I took some codeine for my toothache and ended up falling into a drugs coma (okay, asleep) and developed a headache when I woke up again. I’ve written a few paragraphs but that’s it. To think I expected to finish the first draft today! Bit ambitious. But I know I’ve got more written than I would have, if I’d bimbled along with no target at all.

I just know that setting a target of 5-6k in one day is a bit much until I’ve spent some time building up to it with some 3k days beforehand. Consecutive 3k days.

Upshot is, the first couple of chapters are done, and my heroine, Sarah, is one of the most sarcastic characters I’ve written yet. I always think it sounds a bit pretentious to say your characters take over; of course they don’t. They’re not real. But sometimes you can be in the mood to write a certain personality type and it’s just so much fun to go down a certain path, you let rip and it’s almost as if they’re taking over…but not quite. I’m probably making very little sense but it’s half three by now, and I’ve still got horse-tranquilliser-strength drugs in my system.

Tomorrow – or today, whatever – my Twitter ban’s lifted so I may see if I can get in touch with them a fifth time and see if a real, live, human being answers me when my account is once again active. I’m not holding out much hope. I could use my reinstatement as a natural (and unfair!) deadline for hitting a landmark word count on Eat Me. Numbers ending in a zero or a five are always good. 😀

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Posted by on 19/07/2017 in Eat Me, writing


What I’m working on now

If there’s one good thing about my Twitter ban, it’s that it’s impossible for me to waste time on social media when I should be working. I mean, I can waste time in other ways, but Twitter can be one hell of a timesuck if I let it.

So with this in mind I opened up a new Google Doc last night and started on a new(ish) project. I had maybe 350 words of it written for weeks just sitting on my Chromebook and left it there while I organised all the other notes and ideas I had. Each one now has its own folder. So, the book I’m working on is called…

Eat Me.

No, I’m not kidding. Anyway, I wanted each upcoming novella and novel to have its own folder so I could set up a schedule and put my unwritten books in some semblance of ‘writing order’. Eat Me is next up and if I tell you the two main characters are called Sarah and Lucas, you’ll be able to tell it’s M/F.

The writing schedule I’ve set up for this is pretty ambitious. If all goes according to plan (and when does it ever) and the word count stays down (HA HA HA YEAH RIGHT) I should finish it on this coming Tuesday.

Last night after I got home around half nine – no-one could ever call me a dirty stopout – I wrote 2,500 words, which met my target for the day in two and a half hours. (I’m counting the 350 I already had down, which I retyped to flex my fingers and reactivate my typing muscle memory.) I meant to blog about this last night but was so tired I went to bed without bothering to sign in to WordPress.

At some point, when I have more of my outstanding projects completed, I want to run an experiment to see how quickly I can write a book from nothing to hitting ‘publish’ on Amazon. Just now I have a mess of notes and ideas to get through, and I’d love to see how quickly I can go from ‘having nothing on paper, no outlines, names or scenes’ to ‘cover art, completed manuscript, blurb and keywords DONE’.

For the moment, I’m going back to completing Chapter 1 of Eat Me. For the first look at the cover art, please sign up to my newsletter here. I plan to send it out when the first draft is done, so you’ll get first peep before any blog readers or Twitter followers. 🙂