Why my face turned as red as my name

The writing of Read Me is going really well. Last week I had to take a mental health break. Had to. Then I got back in the saddle, or the chair, should I say, and got my fingers on the keyboard. In total, so far in June, I’ve written 26,359 words and I’m not finished for Friday night yet.

I’ve gone speeding past the 35k-word mark I originally thought would be the word count total of this “novella” and now the outline has 24 chapters and a projected total of 70k.

I’m sure you’ll understand why the greater part of my attention just now is on my book. It’s a good feeling. It also means I’ve not given myself time off to think about “What should I blog about?” So to keep you guys entertained I’m just going to relate the story of how I massively embarrassed myself this week.

I was out with a friend (see, that was my first mistake, leaving the house) when we walked past a guy I recognised on the street. Then it hit me, he was my doctor. (I know, it sounds weird not recognising your own doctor but I haven’t had an appointment in a while, you don’t always get the G.P. you’re registered with and he was in a completely different environment or context.)

I explained to my friend who he was, that I’d nicknamed him “Doctor Dreamy,” and that I was seriously considering breaking my own legs as an excuse to see him again.


…and I realised he was walking up behind us because he’d gone up the wrong garden path to what I presumed was a home visit and was now looking for the correct address kill me now please please please I wanna die.

After consultation with mutuals on Twitter I have come to realise the only solution is to enter the Witness Protection Program, then to fake my own death, then to actually die and bury myself in a shallow grave so he never finds me.

Funeral donations may be made in the form of sign-ups to my Patreon page or free newsletter.

Posted in reasons why I should never leave the house again | Leave a comment

Today I punched a fly

I’ve had a busy few days – real life stuff, plenty of bus rides and errands to run – which I won’t bore you guys with here. But, as regards my online shenanigans, writing and so on…not bad.

I’ve discovered, or should I say confirmed, that I’m the sort of writer who works best if I a) schedule my writing sessions almost down to the minute, b) write as early in my day as possible and c) use the pomodoro technique for intense bursts of productivity.

A) If I say “I’ll do it later,” it never gets done. So I make an appointment with myself along the lines of, “Starting  11am, I’ll write one loop of pomodoros.” More on these in point C.

B) Notice I didn’t say start as early in the day as possible, but my day. As close to my ‘getting up and getting ready’ time as I can get. Why? Momentum. If I start my day off sluggishly, it will continue in the same vein. If I start my day off with a burst of productivity, chances are…it will continue in the same vein. Sometimes after I’ve had a bath, got dressed and had breakfast, I have appointments to attend outside the home and these are pretty much unavoidable without pissing all over a lot of people’s schedules, so the writing has to wait until I get home again. On such occasions, I try to get my BICHOK (butt in chair, hands on keyboard) as close to my arrival back home as possible.

C) Pomodoros – short, 25-minute bursts of timed writing. The theory is that this is the perfect length of time for you to jizz out the words without getting bored or burning out. Then you take a 5-minute break. Then you go pomodoro, break, pomodoro, break, pomodoro, long break (of 15-minutes). Four cycles of pomodoro/break are known as a ‘loop’. Here is the Tomato Timers website I use for my writing sprints.

That said, yesterday was my most productive day in aaaaages. And for a Monday, when I usually have a lot of errands and chores to see to? Writing over 5k words was amazing. And today I spunked out another 3k.

So, yeah. Scheduling, and writing sprints are the key.

And also having @ApocalypseNyet on Twitter bribe you with photos of a shirtless Tom Ellis for every writing milestone you meet.

Back on Friday with my next blog post and by Christ, I hope the goalposts on Read Me‘s outline spreadsheet don’t move any farther. Now it’s telling my my final word count will be 70k words and that’s double what I originally intended. That’s never happened before! Except for with Drink Me, this book’s immediate prequel. So.

Oh, and two more things before I go:

  • Today’s errands involved me getting a bus into town and I didn’t kill anyone.
  • I didn’t kill a human, but I legit punched a fly. I. PUNCHED. A. FLY. (Srsly. I was trying to brush one away from my face and got impatient with it. Brought my fist up, ended up punching that fucker. Heard the thwack as I connected and it hit the floor but I was in back of a shop, and there was no-one around to see it. FML.)


Posted in pomodoro, Twitter, writing | Leave a comment

My broken brain is at it again

This will be a very brief blog post, published simply to keep myself in the routine of a Tue/Fri schedule.

This week hasn’t been great for me, mentally speaking. I mentioned suicide ideation on Twitter, even while panicking that people would think I was doing it for attention…although, come on, there are better ways of ‘getting famous’ than talking about how you’re finding it difficult to cope with the bother of being alive.

People were lovely about it, though, DMing me to check in, or asking how I was in my notifications. I think I replied to everyone; if I didn’t, please ping me again, either here on my blog or on Twitter.

I had a great writing day on Tuesday, writing over 5k words, then the next day my mood plummeted. I don’t think I wore myself out writing a lot, because I felt pretty good by the evening on Tuesday. It’s more a case of on Wednesday, I just woke up feeling really depressed, and my mood steadily worsened. Sheer bad luck.

Anyway, I won’t go into detail because a) you guys don’t need to hear more of it, and b) I don’t need to go over old ground and dwell on such thoughts, while I’m still in the process of dealing with them. I feel slightly less shitty tonight than I did yesterday. Not great, just less bad. I guess all progress in the right direction is still progress. Baby steps and all that.

I’ve not written anything creative since Tuesday evening, and isn’t that always the way? I have a mega-productive day then…nothing. I suspect my mood is just coincidental, badly-timed, because if I get like this as a consequence of writing a lot, well…I’m fucked, ain’t I, publishing-wise?

Upshot is, I’ve got people I can speak to about the way I’m feeling, so I may very well be reaching out to them over the weekend. I’m going to take it easy tomorrow, then on Sunday try writing a thousand words or two, just to get back in the game.

So, I’m still here, still trying to get Read Me finished. Oh, and by the way, according to my spreadsheet? It now wants to be 60k words long, leaving me with another 40k words to write. I seem chronically unable to make the planned word count and amount of story in a book match up. With this book I said, “Right, 35k, that’s your lot,” and the characters were like, “Uh, no. There’s 60k worth of storyline in this outline, you know. Stop arguing. Get it written.”

Who am I to argue with them? Only the author, that’s who. Anyhoo, see you next Tuesday. And I’m not calling you all a bunch of cunts; that’s just when my next blog post is due. 😀

Until then, check out my Patreon page, or if you’ve got more money than sense, chuck a couple of bucks in my tips jar on my Ko-Fi page. Toodle-oo!

Posted in mental health | Leave a comment

No, we’re not all jealous of Kristen Martin

I wasn’t going to mention any more about the Kristen Martin thing after my blog post last Tuesday but whadaya know, Authortube drama refuses to die. Just another way in which she’s similar to a vampire.

You all know how to read the #ARCsAreFree hashtag on Twitter so you can go have a look-see at that. KM has posted a video on YouTube and the comments section is a trip. And yes, I’ve downloaded it in case she goes and deletes or privates this one, too:

It would appear she’s going the “Women tearing other women down are just triggered!” route, which I can’t say surprises me; it looks as if she’s deciding to bury her head in the sand and refuse to take on board any criticism. While some has been a tad…vehement, shall we say (and there’s no need to insult or name-call), such remarks usually come from a place of frustration at the people offering such, not being listened to. The criticism itself (that $150 for an ARC is a rip-off, she’s just not that good a writer, no writing or success course is worth $2k, she’s on shaky ground legally selling a course on the back of the NaNoWriMo name) is legitimate, and Kristen Martin is refusing flat-out to address it.

Her fangirls will say, “Why criticise her online? Why not go to her directly?” It’s a bit difficult to do that when you ask her to address your concerns and she blocks you on social media and pretends this whole thing isn’t happening, or chooses to believe you’re just jealous or triggered, or mobilises her fangirls to report other people’s online presences. No, I’m not joking. The following are screenshots from underneath the aforementioned video.

KM screenshot

I don’t have Instagram, so I have no access to her Instastories, but I’m told she’s posted something similar there, asking her followers (and Lord, how I want to refer to them as minions) to mobilise, and report anything they view as ‘hate’. Now, we all know that what Kristen Martin says is hate, is what I would call legitimate criticism of her business practises.

It’s an undeniable fact that KM’s followers overreact to criticism of her methods as a direct threat to their Queen’s bodily safety. Maybe it’s because their egos are so closely bound up with hers, I don’t know. But they really need to accept that in publishing, you’re gonna be criticised.

KM’s problem seems to be that no-one’s ever said no to her before and meant it. No-one’s ever said “Your writing isn’t that good,” during her formative time as an author and shown her how to improve. And why would she make any effort to do so now, when she has 36k YouTube followers and so many people willing to stand up for her against the ‘haters’ while she sits back and…lets them?

Screenshot 2019-06-04 at 03.19.36 - Edited

I’m not exactly sure how claiming to be taking a break from social media, ‘liking’ all supportive comments and thereby proving you’re still hanging around, and thanking people for reporting other authors’ videos qualifies as spreading positivity and “love and light” Kristen, but you do you, I guess? So much for women supporting other women, huh? I guess feminism is only a thing when it suits your bank balance.

It’s long been my belief that things like this tend to flare up with authors who are self-published only, which in Kristen Martin’s case, appears to be her publishing history. She’s been rejected by several agents and rather than taking this as a hint her writing needed to improve, she chose to self-publish. Thus, she’s never been through the normal editing process of a publishing house, where her manuscript is pulled to pieces and she’s contractually obligated to work to improve it. If she’s actively avoided professional criticism that early in her career, it stands to reason she’d be unable to deal with it now; she’s never had to, before. But all it means is that she looks as if she’s burying her head in the sand and pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. People have legitimate concerns about:

  • The quality of her writing
  • The whole selling ARCs for $150 on Patreon thing (note: unethical is not the same as illegal)
  • The cost of her writing and ‘success’ courses; what are her credentials? Why does she think her courses are worth that much?
  • The legality of selling a ‘Conquering NaNoWriMo’ course when she’s not entitled to use their name
  • Is it true or is it false, that she makes customers or clients sign an NDA banning them from saying anything negative about her or her courses, post-purchase? (One supporter of KM has said basically so what, it wouldn’t be legally enforceable, but if someone is gullible enough to sign up for a KM course, they might not be aware of this and the fact KM is possibly using the threat of legal action to silence people is in itself worthy of scrutiny.)
  • When did she quit her corporate job, exactly? Does she still work from home, or work part time? What percentage of her income comes from writing, or from other work? Now, you may ask, “What business is that of anyone else’s, Scarlett?” It’s everyone’s business when Kristen Martin is selling an aspirational lifestyle of “Do what I do and you too could quit your corporate job and live your passion!” Kristen Martin’s employment status is very much relevant as it speaks to the veracity of her claim to be a successful “creative entrepreneur”. If she still does other work on the side, she’s selling her success courses based on a lie. Note, I’m not asking how much money she earns from this job or that job. I’m asking what percentage of her income is from writing, from the corporate world, and from her success courses. Even if it was half from writing, half from the corporate world, be honest about it.

In the past day or two I managed to finish reading her personal development book, Be Your Own #Goals and truth be told, it’s nothing remarkable. There’s nothing new in it; it reads like a hodge-podge of every other faux-spirituality book on the market, crossed with an overpriced advertisement for her Valiance course.

The parts that are supposedly personal, experiences from her personal life, are…well, they’re badly written. They just are. Typos on every page, incorrect word usage, inconsistencies, you name it. Things like, as has already been mentioned in reviews on Goodreads, waking up in a “pile” of her own drool. It’s as if Kristen Martin uses words vaguely adjacent to the ones she intends. Drool doesn’t “pile”; it’s fluid. Does she mean pool, or puddle? Claiming to always be healthy, then mentioning drinking three glasses of wine and stuffing her face with pizza. And for God’s sake, white Westerners, learn how to spell the name Gandhi.

But the worst part of the book for me was the mention she made of her ex-fiance and the reasons behind their breakup. I won’t name him or go into detail here because it’s not my story to tell and…that’s my issue. It’s not Kristen Martin’s story to tell, either. She makes accusations about him without him having the right of reply, in a book she’s attempting to sell to people all over the world. Basically badmouthing someone she claims she was never happy with, in all the three years of their relationship. (Never? Really? Never once happy, despite all those holidays, living together, gushing in the acknowledgements to a book about how she couldn’t wait to marry him?)

None of my business, gotta say that. Absolutely none of my business what goes on behind closed doors but there’s something hinky about bringing someone else into your personal development book without giving them a chance to tell their side of the story.

Because you see, that’s what we’ve been asking you for, Kristen; the other side of the story. Your side. But you’ve yet to directly address the issues at hand.

  • Questions and criticism are not hate.
  • Please, tell your followers that those among us who are asking you questions or criticising your work are not jealous. If I were going to be jealous of another writer, I’d choose someone who was a) talented and b) selling more copies than I do.
  • If you don’t want to address any of the above issues directly, fine, that’s your choice, but you don’t get to dictate how other people react to that. Avoiding the issue makes you look guilty of something. We just want to know why your ARCs are worth $150, why your courses are worth $2k, what percentage of your income comes from writing…basically, what are your credentials? I got some dental work done last year; my dentist’s qualification certificates are framed on her waiting room wall, so I knew she was able to do the job. Those who are qualified to do a particular job and have the credentials to teach others how to do that work, should never be reticent about proving themselves.

That’s not hate. That’s due diligence. And if you’re asking for people’s time and money, they deserve to have proof that you are worth it, and that you are qualified.

Bottom line is, Kristen, they deserve to know that you practise what you preach.

Posted in #ARCsAreFree, authors behaving badly, Kristen Martin, YouTube | Leave a comment

Rethinking my list of priorities

So I swithered about whether or not to put this blog post on my Patreon page as part of my regular writing update, but as it concerns not only Patreon but some other sites where I have an online presence (Twitter, Ko-Fi, WordPress, Amazon, Draft2Digital), here it is, on my free and open blog.

Upshot is, I need to rethink my priorities. I’ve spoken about mental health issues before on this blog, and feeling useless and non-productive becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when social media and other sites/apps are involved. “I’ll never make it in publishing, why bother writing anything, I’ll just go on Twitter instead.” I waste time I could have spent writing but didn’t, because I feel so bad about even trying to publish another book. I end up looking back over hours spent online, thinking I’m a lazy cow for pissing away another afternoon and getting behind on my work. And my mood spirals.

I’m not doubting the quality of my writing – I’m confident that I’m good, but always determined to improve where possible, put it that way – but rather, my ability to progress in such a saturated market as erotic romance. There’s drama after drama after drama played out on social media. And that’s just me referring to Twitter, given that I don’t have an account on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, tumblr, bumblr or cumblr. Any of those other interwebs places.

I need to drop the things that don’t serve me, or at least limit my use of them. Have you ever heard the William Morris quotation, “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful?” I’m thinking of Twitter that way. It’s definitely not useful and is in fact a timesuck which stirs up a lot of ill will these days…and yes, I hold my hands up to the fact I’ve had a part to play in more than one drama. Is it beautiful? Not just now, no.

With that in mind, I won’t be appearing on Twitter until after I’ve reached my daily word count goal in future. Whatever that word count goal actually is may vary according to the day, my health, or any ‘real life’ commitments, errands and chores. But if I allow myself to ‘just check my notifications’, I’m giving my first energy of the day to something that is not creative and is often, sad to say, destructive. If I don’t make my word count? I don’t get on Twitter.

My absolute priority has to be the books I self-publish on Amazon and through Draft2Digital. They are the whole reason I have an online presence at all, and pissing about on Twitter and YouTube won’t help me sell many books and it sure as hell won’t help me write any.

Thereafter, Patreon. My patrons lend me financial support in return for specific, scheduled rewards and I owe them entertainment, gratitude and reliability.

My obligations on Ko-Fi are minor at the moment – a once-a-month recap of what I’ve been up to in the 30 days or so preceding. Nevertheless, it does bring me a few bucks now and again, so under the terms of the William Morris rule stated above ( 😉 ) it comes after my books and Patreon.

As does WordPress. This very blog. As I state very clearly in the sidebar yonder —> content on this blog will always be free, but nevertheless, despite it bringing me no income, I believe it to be useful. I can use it to voice my opinion on things, discuss publishing news (and yes, yes, drama, as long as said drama doesn’t detract from my fiction writing time), talk about books and other media I’ve enjoyed. It may even lead to conversations about the above.

Emails? Well, I’m not one of those super-popular authors who’s snowed under with emails, so I can afford to deal with them as and when they come in, providing I’m not in the middle of a pomodoro session. (Have I mentioned those before? Pomodoros are 25-minute writing sprints, just long enough to yield a respectable word count, short enough to avoid burnout or cramp.)

Think that covers it.

  1. Fiction first and foremost, with daily word count goals.
  2. Patreon, with set rewards for each tier. Able to schedule these in advance and will aim to do so at least a week ahead of time.
  3. Ko-Fi, a monthly wrap-up post. For some reason you can’t schedule posts on Ko-Fi but as it’s an ‘end of month’ thing anyway, it wouldn’t make sense to do so because…how do you know what you’ve done in a month until the month is drawing to a close? 😀
  4. WordPress, posts scheduled for each Tuesday and Friday, 9pm Scotland time. I can write these and set them up for publication whenever I come up with a suitable topic. After my fiction is done for the day.
  5. Emails, deal with these at the end of the day if the notification shows me it’s nothing important, or immediately if it does.
  6. Newsletter, same, send these out at day’s end. This is really only necessary when I have a new release, so there’s no pressure on me at all in that regard.

You’ll note Twitter and YouTube come way, way down the list. That’s because they don’t earn me money, and they don’t help me finish my manuscripts. Yes, Twitter helps me keep in touch with writers and other friends, but it also puts me in the path of more arseholes than you’d find at a proctology convention, so. As for YouTube, it’s not for nothing that people often speak about falling down the rabbit hole of this subject or that research topic.

A new month seems like a good time to put all of the above into action.

Posted in blogging, Ko-Fi, newsletter, Patreon, Twitter, writing | Leave a comment

The most dramatic ARC story since Noah’s

And yes, I’m well aware Noah’s Ark is spelled with a K. Screw you, it’s funny. But! It wouldn’t be Tuesday without more author drama. Fair warning, this blog post will be link-heavy. Yesterday another author alerted me to the #ArcsAreFree hashtag on Twitter and I realised it was focused on a writer I was already aware of, Kristen Martin.

I’d watched her YouTube channel for a while, ever since one of her writing-related videos popped up in my suggestions. I never subscribed; didn’t need to, as I watch so many writing-related videos that the algorithm or chance or fate always made hers visible whenever she uploaded a new one anyway. And I thought, “Okay, I’ll have a look.”

Channel link here.

However. Over time they became less day-in-the-life, more like a commercial for whatever company was sponsoring her video on that day. More materialistic. The production became more slick, which is a good thing, but everything became about money, money, money, which…isn’t so good. Now I understand, everyone’s got bills to pay, but when your YouTube videos spend more time enthusing about writing gloves or hand soap you were gifted by this or that company, rather than writing advice, that makes me think you’ve run out of material.

I continued to watch when “Oh this could be interesting or helpful,” morphed into a bloody minded curiosity and “What’s she selling this week?” It became my Monday routine to set up a playlist of videos from various YouTubers to watch, sit my Chromebook on a shelf, and get on with my cleaning and chores. A sort of passive, background thing.

And that’s before we even get around to the fact she charges $2,500 for a writing course (!!!) even though her own books (none of which I’ve managed to finish) have some not-very-complimentary reviews on Goodreads, a couple of which I’ll link to later in this blog post. Often people spill tea in those reviews’ comments, referencing shady behaviour – gathering friends to 5-star-bomb her books, that kind of thing. Not illegal, but definitely unethical.

Speaking of which.

A week or two past, KM posted a video in which she mentioned – yet again – her Patreon page, and the fact she’d added something to one of the tiers – if you sponsored her at the highest tier, $50, for three months in a row, you could get an ARC of her upcoming book, Soulflow, a month before it’s due to be published.

Essentially, you’re pre-ordering an unfinished copy of a book that will be published a month later, anyway.
Patreon ARC
Just think about that – $50, for three months in a row. That’s $150, before you even get your hands on an ARC, something authors usually give away for free, to create buzz around an upcoming release.

My initial reaction was to add up the cost to Patreon supporters, think, “Jesus Christ, who the hell would pay that much just to get one book when they could buy it a month later on Amazon much cheaper anyway?” and get on with my chores. Baths don’t scrub themselves, yo, and there’s no-one else around here to do it for me. I have a teeny-tiny following online, and if I said something, who’d listen to me? (About charging $150 for an ARC, I mean, not the sad fact my bathroom doesn’t clean itself.)

Anyway, over the weekend the #ArcsAreFree hashtag blew up, and I only just heard of it yesterday after I got home from peopling. Basically, what it meant was, a lot of people online had cottoned on to this, and were calling it out as hella shady. Why? The wording of the hashtag says it all.

Apparently Kristen Martin herself responded in a series of tweets which she later deleted but hey, screenshots exist and the internet never forgets. Added to which, she’s added those self-same tweets as a pinned comment to the YouTube video in question, so why delete them from Twitter?:

YouTube comment

The video itself is here; skip ahead to 9m 17s if you want to watch KM explain how you can get an ARC. If you want to hear the blurb for the book she’s talking about, you’ll need to scroll back a few minutes before that:

[Edited 4am, Thursday 30th May: looks like the video has been taken down. I knew I should have downloaded it myself so I had a backup copy!]

[Edited 14:30, Thursday 30th May: A. S. Howell snagged clips of the video in her YouTube video right here:]

KM was also quoted in the comments of her original video as saying “It baffles me that some people choose to utilize their platforms to tear others down instead of lift others up. Even so, I’ll continue to spread love and light because the world can always use more of that.”

Which is all very well, I guess, but one of the problems I have had with her for a while now is the conflation of disagreement, or people questioning her actions, with ‘hate’ or ‘tearing others down’. Asking why you’re doing something isn’t hate, Kristen. It’s giving you the opportunity to explain your reasoning.

There’s an overwhelming air of fake spirituality in that, claiming to be above such things while refusing to take responsibility for your actions. “I’m all about the love and light, I only try to build people up, also, give me two and a half thousand dollars for a writing course even though my own books have had the arse torn out of them on Goodreads.”

Eve K’s reviews of:

I picked the above two reviews in particular because the comments make particularly interesting reading, but there are many other reviews and reviewers to choose from.

We’ve all got bills to pay. I get that. But if someone is offering such a damned expensive course online when you can learn from Neil Gaiman, Dan Brown, others, for one twenty-eighth of the price, well…that’s some brass neck on the lass. You have to look at the qualifications of the person offering such a course. How many books have they sold? Who to? Are they traditionally-published or self-published? Are their books edited? By whom? How many times? What are their sales like? What percentage of their income comes from writing, as opposed to, say, a day job, the details of which you’ve fudged, Kristen?

KM has been blocking people on Twitter and deleting all comments from YouTube that could be perceived as ‘negative’, i.e. asking her for details or an explanation. You’ll note that the comments under the video to which I linked above, are all high praise indeed. No-one on YouTube gets 100% positive comments. No-one. And there are several people talking about how they’ve posted comments on KM’s videos, only to have them deleted. Not disrespectful or insulting comments, but even questions like, “When exactly did you quit your job?” and “Why are you charging $150 for an ARC which other authors would give away for free?”

Instead of taking the opportunity to clarify her position, KM chooses to delete any questions or ‘negativity’ because it doesn’t vibe with her spiritual frequency or whatever. I’m told she’s taking a social media break because she’s burned out. From what? Hmm. Great timing. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

In the absence of her presence online or willingness to explain why her ARCs are worth $150 or to tolerate any comments that are less than fulsome, laudatory praise, other folk have taken to YouTube to discuss the matter.

Sarah Scharnweber’s video was the first I watched about all this:

I didn’t realise how many there were available. It’s like falling down a rabbit hole of Authortube drama. The Courtney Project has trouble keeping her shit together because of her anger in this video:

I would not mess with this woman!

pistachiopaperbacks goes into more detail about the quality of KM’s writing and how much she charges for her online courses here. Make yourself a large cup of tea; it’s nearly half an hour long, and worth every second:

You may also find the following links interesting:

  • L. E. Boyd’s blog post ARCs Are Free
  • Stephanie Braxton’s blog post That Grand Feeling of Letdown
  • If you’ve got some spare time – okay, a lot – there’s a thread on Guru Gossip which at the time of my writing this, is 14 pages long. It does descend into name-calling and insults on several occasions, and some accuse all creators who have Patreon pages of being lazy, which…of course I’d disagree with. Patreon isn’t a way to be lazy. It’s more work for writers, because you have to come up with more stuff to post. Or at least, that’s the way it should work, Kristen, but, whatever. If you can get past the temper tantrums and suchlike in that thread, it makes for a fascinating read.

Upshot is, no-one’s ARCs are worth $150, especially as an ARC is not the final publication-quality edition of the book.

Kristen Martin may like to play with spirituality online, but if she truly were interested in self-improvement, she would take constructive criticism (not character assassination; I mean a proper spiritual audit) on board instead of surrounding herself with Yes Men and fangirls. One said on Twitter, “When you’ve sold half as many copies as KM, then come speak to us.” Which brings me to my next point…

She’s just not talented or successful enough to charge $2,500 for a writing or ‘success’ course when it’s material cribbed from others and some of her books hover around similar levels to mine on Amazon. I mean, Christ, I don’t sell for shit; how can someone charge $2,500 for an online course telling you how to make a success of your business when she hardly sells any books, judging by their online ranking? I know how many books I sell to maintain their barely-there visibility and it ain’t many.

Even if I never sold any books at all, my position on this would be the same, and I’d still have a right to express that opinion. Authortube has stopped being a writing community with a shared goal of improving one’s art and craft. It’s increasingly become an extended commercial for side hustles, courses, webinars. If these people knew what they were doing, wouldn’t they sell more books? How can you tell other people how to make a success of their writing when you rely on shady practises to make your money, rather than storytelling talent?

*sigh* I need to schedule this blog post to go up this evening, and go have a bath. Unfortunately I am required to leave the house again today, and speak to other humans. Of course I’d rather stay home and stir up drama online, but oh well, can’t be helped. Comment freely below, share this blog post, call me a jealous hater. *mwah* 😉

Posted in authors behaving badly, Patreon, self-publishing, YouTube | 6 Comments

More ‘negative reviews’ fuckery on Twitter

Late again, but whadaya expect? This is me we’re talking about! Besides, it’s still Friday in America, so it’s your own fault for living in the wrong timezone. (Which includes me, given that its 1am on Saturday here.)

Okay, so, some quick thoughts on this week’s Twitter drama – one-star reviews. No, I’m not talking about my own. Mainly because I’m a fucking genius and nobody would dare one-star me. I kid! I kid!

No, but seriously; this week there has been an unholy number of authors complaining on Twitter about readers one-starring their work on Goodreads and various other sites with an insufficiently detailed review, citing opinions the author disagrees with, or without having read the complete book.

We’ll deal with those points in order. First of all, authors complaining that readers are not being sufficiently detailed in their reviews. Excuse me? You expect a treatise from someone who’s spent money (one hopes) and time on your book?

You’re the one who writes books; you’ve got no right to demand a reviewer goes into exacting detail, matching your productivity. It takes much less time to read a book than it does to write one, which is why readers read many more books than individual writers write. If reviewers, particularly in the romance genre, which has voracious readers, were obligated to write detailed reviews for every book they read, their reading time would be eaten up.

Why do so many writers desire detailed reviews? Well, this week I’ve seen many say that detailed reviews help them figure out what they’re doing wrong, where they can improve, and so on.

This is the job of an editor, not a reader, and you have no write to demand reviewers act as unpaid editors.

Now, no-one is expecting your book to be absolutely dead-on balls perfect. Typos always creep through. However, your book should be as good as you can possibly get it before you publish. You should be fairly confident you couldn’t get it any better, rather than publishing a book you know to be sub-par. If you even suspect your book to need further work done to it, why the hell are you publishing it?

Secondly, a number of writers have been saying the opinions of reviewers are wrong.

Which is complete bullshit.

As I have often said on Twitter with regard to politics, “You are entitled to your own opinions. Not your own facts.”

I spoke before in “How not to handle a negative review” about how I’d reported reviews to Amazon myself because they were based on an inexplicable dislike of me, the author, rather than the books themselves. Too, the ‘reviewer’ was lying about having bought the book. Amazon decided to delete this person’s not-reviews due to their claim of having bought the books being demonstrably, factually incorrect.

On another occasion, I read a review of one of my novels on Goodreads (oh, shut up, every author does it, I don’t care who they are) which the reviewer decided they hated, which is perfectly within their rights. However, they hated it because of something that wasn’t in the book. I’m not saying they misinterpreted the text. I’m saying, they reported something in their review that I hadn’t written. Not even in the first draft, which was later deleted. They gave my book a one-star rating based on a conversation between the main characters that never happened.

What did I do? Well, what could I do? It’s Goodreads, not Amazon. I don’t even know if they had a complaints procedure, but as a friend said at the time, “Just leave it; you’ll only draw attention to it otherwise, and besides, if other people read the book, they’ll correct the wrong ‘un themselves.”

So, because the reviewer was so obviously incorrect, I judged my adviser to be giving good advice – to leave well enough alone, because other readers would put the first person right if necessary. Maybe they read another book at the same time as mine and mixed up the two? Who knows?

The above is talking about facts. Things that are in black and white. What about opinions, though? What if someone flat out doesn’t like your book?

Tough. Suck it up.

Yes, it hurts. No, you have no right to speak up about someone else’s opinion. Because it’s what they think of your book. What if their opinion is based on what you perceive to be a stupid reason? Again, tough. Maybe you didn’t make it clear in the text what the characters’ motivations were. Maybe the story in your head didn’t translate onto paper with quite as much clarity as you’d hoped. You just have to face up to the fact that people are allowed to not like your work. Of course you disagree. You’re the author. But I’ll say it again.

People are allowed to not like your work.

Last reason I’ve seen authors give for being upset: readers not finishing their books before giving a rating, review or opinion online.

Big fat fucking deal.

As many other folks have pointed out, if you’re handed a shit sandwich, you only have to take one bite to realise it’s a shit sandwich. You wouldn’t be expected to eat the whole thing before being allowed to say, “This is a shit sandwich,” unless the other person was a psychopath, which, let’s face it, they probably are, if they’re expecting you to chow down on a shit sandwich.

Okay, bad analogy.

If you’re in a restaurant and the food is undercooked, overseasoned, not what you ordered, gone off, or otherwise not to your taste, you are allowed to refuse the rest of that meal. If you know you don’t like something, you’re allowed to discontinue engagement with that thing.

You do not have to read a whole book to realise the author’s style isn’t for you, or there are a lot of typos in the book, or their book is badly researched. Hell, you can stop reading a book for no apparent reason at all. (When this happens with me, it’s usually because of boredom.)

Let’s face it, even if simple boredom is the reason you DNF (did not finish) a book, that itself is an opinion or review, which you have the right to express. If an author cannot hold your attention, that alone says a lot about their skill, or lack thereof.

Fucking hell, this blog post is over a thousand words long and it’s twenty to two in the morning. Over 1k words in 40 minutes, proof that if I don’t produce more words in my fiction writing, it’s definitely not a mechanics thing. I know how to type.

Anyway, I’ll finish up by saying this. Might cop some flak for it, don’t give a shit.

Any author who complains about reviews from readers who DNF a book, saying they have no right to opine on a book they haven’t completely read, knows deep down that they do not have the skill and/or talent to hold a reader’s attention across 300+ pages. They just can’t do it.

Posted in authors behaving badly, book reviews | Leave a comment

Parkinson’s Law is a bitch

I’ve been writing today but not as much as I would have liked because I’ve been finding it difficult to keep my mind on the book for extended periods of time…which is probably why I write best at speed. Writing too fast for the inner critic or editor to catch up with me. Writing too fast for anything else to get into my head and distract me.

Still, I crossed the 10k mark on Read Me. I know, it doesn’t sound like much put like that, does it? Especially as I used to write that much in one day. But I can’t beat myself up over the fact ‘today’ Scarlett doesn’t write the way ‘a decade ago’ Scarlett did.

(Doubly amazing given that I was writing other people’s synopses and book proposals and bits of scenes for them at the same time as my own books and ooh shaaaaade, but, you know, suck it, bitch.)

I mentioned writing too fast for the inner critic to catch up with me, which is where this YouTube video, from Austin Hackney comes in. Don’t be alarmed by the 5k-words-a-day thing; you can easily adjust AH’s methods for your own stretch goal.

I’ve watched this video countless times, not least because there’s an almost ASMR-quality to AH’s voice. The emphasis here is on conquering the desire to edit as you go or even to think about writing as you go. To almost make it automatic. Use your muscle memory for typing (or handwriting) to just get the words down on paper.  Make the first draft about the mechanics of writing. As AH calls it, “passing a pen over paper”. Anyway, he says it better than I, so go watch his video.

I had the whole of today free and strangely, feel like I’ve wasted much of it. Parkinson’s Law is definitely in play here – work expands to fit the time available. Which is why I always feel I get more done on the days when I have more demands on my time. You could maintain a good pace of work, errands and chores, but if you later have an entire 24-hour period in which to only do one or two things, those one or two things will take up the same amount of time as your massive to-do list did the day before.

I’m yammering, ’cause it’s half two and I’m tired now. Back on Friday (I hope) if I can get my arse in gear. I have a few things to do tomorrow (well, today) including peopling so wish me luck. I’ll try not to kill anyone.

PS: I’ve added a ‘currently reading’ widget to the sidebar, which I’ll change as and when applicable. The book cover is clickable, and will take you to the UK Amazon because hey, not everyone online is in the States, yo.

Posted in blogging, Read Me, writing, YouTube | Leave a comment

C’eci n’est pas une blog post

It’s been uncharacteristically hot here these past few days and I’ve been forced into the unavoidable position of having to eat a metric fuckton of ice-cream to avoid bursting  into flames. I know, I know, poor me. But I suffered through it.

I’ve been too damn close to melting to come up with something professional and mature to blog about tonight so I’ll just ramble on about stuff.

First things first! I’ve received yet another Twitter kinda-sorta-ban on my secondary account because even though rape and death threats are A-okay, telling someone to fuck off isn’t, especially if you’re a woman, because Jack Dorsey is a White Supremacist cunt with a beard like a bog brush. So it’s that time again – when I mention my newsletter (it’s free!) and urge you all to sign up to it, so I can contact yous guys with news about my writing ‘n’ shiz when social media decides to be a load of old wank and ban me completely for daring to use the internet while female. At least this time my account’s only limited for 12 hours, but this is how it goes. First 12 hours, then 24, then a week, then it’s permanent. I SEE YOU, JACK THE NAZI-GOBBLER.

(I know; you can always check my blog, but this way, the newsletter gets crammed direct up your emailhole, so please consider signing up. Did I mention it’s free?)

The link is thusly: https://tinyletter.com/ScarlettParrish

And I guess I could always drop my Patreon link here too, if any of you fancy signing up for exclusive excerpts, advance cover art reveals and my undying gratitude: https://www.patreon.com/scarlettparrish

Now I’ve got that out of the way, just what have I been up to this week? Picking away at Read Me. Speaking of which, the Writertopia progress meters are working again after the website appearing to have problems for a while, so I added one to my sidebar. Hurrah for personal responsibility and publicising my ennui. Yes, ennui, because it makes procrastination and laziness sound so sexy.

I’ve been dicking around with the idea of regularly posting about true crime and come on, we all know I mean, specifically, serial killers because that’s one of my side interests, but I’m not sure how people would feel about that particular crossover if it was something I did regularly; lemme know in the comments if you have strong feelings either way. It might be a bit weird having a romance author posting about death and destruction but my review of Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Efron and My God, His Abs! was my most popular post in a zillion years, so maybe not weird at all. But what does that say about the popularity of my blog when I talk about writing my books, if a guy who  killed 30+ women gets more hits than I do? 😉

Aaaaanyhoo, I’m going to put the kettle on before I get back to work. Ignore this blog post if it bored you; I’ve been too lazy to come up with a more interesting subject than “I’m not dead, still here,” but I don’t want to drop the  ball on blogging twice a week. In the absence of James Purefoy carrying a riding crop, I have to discipline myself.

Posted in newsletter, Twitter | 7 Comments

How to highlight multiple uses of words in Google Docs

Any writers out there use Google Docs? This will be a short blog post this evening, just to give you guys a heads up about an add-on that I’ve found, called Writer’s Highlighter.

The other day I was loosely editing a chapter I’d just written of Read Me. I’m not normally one to do any editing at all until the whole first draft is complete, but the number of times I’d used the word ‘was’ leapt off the page at me, so I hit CTRL-F and did a search on the word. Unfortunately there was no way to highlight every usage of any particular word as I believe there is in MS Word, and I didn’t want to get out my ancient, creaking laptop and work on that. I bought this Chromebook for a reason. It’s far more portable than the old computer, and instantly on. (Like a Mac, so I’m told, but much cheaper.)


Once you close this find and replace window, the highlights on all uses of your chosen word or phrase disappear.

I’d already used other add-ons (which I’ll maybe talk about at a later date) so I knew there was a way of searching for any functionality you wanted to add to Google Docs. You go to Add-ons > Get add-ons…and simply do a search. I looked up ‘highlight words’ and one of the suggestions was the aforementioned Writer’s Highlighter.

Once you’ve downloaded an add-on, you simply go to that menu, and to the title of the one you want to use, and click on start, or begin, or enable, whatever that ‘app’ decides to call it.

With Writer’s Highlighter, the following appears to the right of your screen:
Writer's Highlighter menu
You’ll note on that menu it asks for your Spreadsheet link. You’ll need to open either a new Google Sheets document, or add a new page to an existing spreadsheet, and add your chosen word or phrase to the first cell.
Spreadsheet cell
Then what you do is copy the URL to your Google Sheets document and paste it in the available box on your Writer’s Highlighter menu. Obviously I’m not going to screenshot that, because…my Google Drive details. Hit the little square to the right of ‘Spreadsheet link’, just before the question mark. This will refresh your details, and if your spreadsheet has more than one page, the ‘Sheet name’ drop-down menu will appear, giving you the options to choose. Same goes for ‘Sheet column’ if you have more than one list of words, or are using a column on a page with lots of other information on it – this enables you to be specific and basically tell the add-on, ‘only use this list of words’ or ‘only use this page of information’.

Scroll down a wee bit on your Writer’s Highlighter menu; this is the formatting I choose:
WH formatting
I choose to tick the ‘Bold’ box, and ‘Highlight colour’. (You don’t just tick the ‘Highlight colour’ box – you also have to click your mousepad somewhere on that colour square to choose the exact shade you want.) After that, hit the blue ‘Highlight!’ button and something like this should appear in the main body of your document.
Was highlights
You can then edit out your pet words and phrases as you so choose. Once you’ve done so, untick (or uncheck, if you’re American!) the ‘Bold’ and ‘Highlight colour’ boxes and hit ‘Highlight!’ again. Boom! You’re done.

I hope you find this useful, although as I’ve discovered to my great disappointment…this add-on doesn’t write the book for you. 😉

Posted in Google Docs | Leave a comment